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Today in Heritage History, March 28, 1885, the U.S. Salvation Army officially organizes. As word spreads in the underworld, demons run for the hills. Not because of the money-sucking dry-drunks donned in pretend Army uniforms, but to avoid being shamed into giving up all their spare change and the ceaseless, endless, fucking-fingernails-on-the-blackboard-annoying-little-ringing-bells, every(can I say fucking here again?)where, that ruins (my) Christmas.

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