Today in Heritage History, 1620, the Mayflower Compact is signed by the Pilgrims in Cape Cod. Nicknamed the Pilgrims Ten Commandments, it represented a list of commitments the Pilgrims were willing to make to each other, in order to make their colony in the New World a success. In their Compact they promised each other that they would never:

  1. Prank another Pilgrim while they’re using the outhouse
  2. Go to bed mad without kissing all the other Pilgrims and saying “sorry
  3. Drink while deep-frying turkey on Thanksgiving
  4. Surf porn on Sundays
  5. Squeeze the groups toothpaste tube from the middle
  6. Churn butter in a sexually provocative way
  7. Dance the Naked Pilgrim Limbo at any Pilgrim parties after Kwanzaa or before Memorial Day
  8. Use the word “Catholic”
  9. Allow their Pilgrim teenagers to wear their Dutch breeches lower than their hips exposing their boxers or to wear their stove-pipe hats sideways
  10. Make, “It’s So Cold in Massachusetts” jokes or ever say “It’s colder than a witches tit here” (i.e. See upcoming Today in Heritage History Salem Witch Trials)
Sleeping with their each others wives did garner some discussion and got “honorable mention”. However for some unapparent reason, it never quite made the list.
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