Today in Heritage History, 1854, Pope Pius IX proclaims the Immaculate Conception and declares Mary “free of Original Sin”. He also declares her free from ever; asking Joseph, despite knowing the answer “do you think my ass looks fat in this tunic”, growing mid-life thunder thighs, complaining about Joseph watching football or playing golf on a Sunday, being in a batshitcrazy-Tasmanian-she-devil-bitchy mood, acting like a paranoid-schizophrenic during PMS, telling her other Holy Virgin bff’s over lunch that Joseph is “just an amusement park ride with a life insurance policy”, being a ditz, secretly harboring a hatred for all men, following Joseph around demanding that he “talk about it right now”, complaining that nothing ever gets done around the house, insisting that her mother is “really a nice person if you only get to know her”, or withholding sex to get her own way.

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