I’ve been kidnapped by Somali pirates as a result my post from Today in Heritage History on February 7th of this year (it apparently just reached Somali);
Today in Heritage History, February 7, 1915, the first wireless message was sent from a moving train to a station. As the train sped past the station the historical excitement waned as staff had the chance to read it; “Somali pirates on-board. Asking $3 million ransom. Wish we were transporting something other than Brussels sprouts. I’m betting were fucked…huh?”
Apparently, when your diet consists of horseradish tubers and grilled locusts, Brussels sprouts are like fucking strip steak in Somali. Who knew?
I’m being held captive here at a Water Park in Old Forge, New York and have been told that I will be released on Monday August 13th whether or not anyone pays the $25.99 ransom (plus 8 extra-small “I Conquered the Flume Shooter” tee-shirts) on Monday August 13th. They’re torturing me with Barry Manilow music and tons of “after”surgery photos of Joan Rivers plastic surgery. Hope I can return with my ill-humored mind intact and hope to see your all back here on the 13th.