Today in Heritage History, August 6, 1962, Jamaica declares its independence from the United Kingdom. Jamaicans celebrated in the streets after the U.K. officially surrendered, admitting defeat in what came to be called the 100 Year Ganga Wars. In the final days of the war Jamaican soldiers mercilessly hammered the Brits with unexpected midnight raids, surprising British troops staring aimlessly into refrigerators and telling them that they “swear to God” that the cops were on their way.The Britains finally admitted they couldn’t remember what (the fuck) they were actually fighting over however in a twist of historical fate, it was also several years later, in July of 2011, that the Jamaicans remembered that they won their independence.

Today in Heritage History, August 6, 1996, NASA announces that it discovered signs of “primitive life” after examining meteorite ALH84001. NASA Scientists named their discovery ricksantorum bacterium because they noted that all the bacteria were dressed in sweater vests and would only reproduce after being secretly shown gay pornography.